Good Love Is On The Way

John Mayer sums it up best.
Good to go for whenever I'm needed
Bags are packed and I'm down by the door
Those lines are from the John Mayer Trio song "Good Love Is On The Way." The song discusses how the narrator took some time off from relationships after being dumped three years ago, but is now ready to love again, and is kinda desperate.
I can relate.
I've been single for 620 days, or about 20 months (Don't call me weird, I found a count-up clock on the internet). This past year and eight months has given me a lot of time to reflect on my relationship life (or lack thereof).
I know why Rachel and I broke up. Living in different cities, we couldn't see each other as often as we liked when the school year kicked into high gear. It was great while it lasted, and I have no regrets, other than not asking her out earlier than I did.
Since then, I've been the prime example of how not to attempt to start a relationship. I've come on too strong, too soon, too subtle, and I've waited too long. I've done everything wrong, and I've recognized that, and I can't fix it. This is causing my self-confidence to decrease slowly every day.
It's strange. I can walk through a stage door at a David Crosby concert and make conversation as if I hadn't sneaked backstage. I can approach Wavy Gravy at a restaurant, having recognized him without his clown makeup. I can perform Adam Sandler's "Hannukah Song" in front of 1,200 of me peers without cracking under the pressure. I can do all of these types of things, but I can't bring myself to face possible rejection.
I often find myself criticizing other people's relationships. "They're just like three-year-olds!" "He's such a terrible boyfriend; he never compliments her!" "This will never last."
Mostly, these comments are out of jealousy. I probably liked the girl in the relationship, and then found faults in their relationship so I could claim beyond a reasonable doubt that I would obviously be a better boyfriend, and that she should obviously be with me.
I say these things for me. I need reassurance that I'm a good guy, and I don't get it from anyone else.
When typing that last sentence, I thought "Why doesn't anyone reassure me? Am I a terrible person?" I don't think I'm a terrible person. Whenever I get these thoughts, I open my yearbook and read my favorite testimonial, which I will type up here:

Jason, Jason, Jason... I've known you for about 2 years now? I think I can honestly say you're one of the most interesting people I've ever met. :-) Haha but really, in a good way. You always are there to make situations more fun and never hesitate to break an awkward silence. You are freakin' *RAW* at guitar & you don't brag about it. :-) You're also an amazing actor. I've had so much fun being in West Side Story, Beauty & The Beast, & Fiddler On The Roof with you. We've been brother & sister, semi-enemies (ahh I forgot High School Musical!...ahaha), & we've both fawned over the same guy (not like that, I'm talking about Gaston...ahaha Phil). It's such a blast to work with you & be around you. One of the great things about you is that you take different routes than other people (ahaha "The Road Not Taken"), not on purpose, but because you do what you want to do, not what everyone else does or what other people want you to do. I'm really glad I'm friends with you. You're really a great guy; you're very considerate of how other people feel. You always know how to make me laugh until I can hardly breathe & am basically falling on the ground. You always come out of bad situations with a smile. Really, I don't think I know anyone that can handle drama/trouble/everything the world can thrown at you, better than you. With that said, you have to deal with way more than you deserve. With all your talents & your *sparkly* personality, I know you have a bright future & I hope we'll still be friends so I can see you become the wonderful man you will be. Don't let anyone ever convince you that you are something you're not because you really are a great person. I hope you'll look back on these years and think of me as fondly [cheesy old person word] as I will think of you. :-) I love all the great times we've had. "Have you seen old people?" Bason Jerk, you are a great Jew and a great friend. :-) & I will always remember your PB&J's on challah. Thanks for putting up with me all this time.

Kristin wrote that, and it's one of the sincerest compliments I've ever received. I've read and re-read it over and over, amazed that someone regards me that highly.
When I was writing in her yearbook, I hadn't seen her message yet, and I couldn't put into words how much I'm constantly blown away by her talent and personality, and how I love her [as a friend]. I couldn't verbalize it, until I read what she wrote. I feel the exact same way, except for the Jewish part and the guitar part. She's a beast at piano.
Anyway, I'm rambling on about her rambling.

New subject?
Sure.
Whenever I'm preparing for a concert, I listen almost exclusively to that artist. I did it for Paul McCartney, Simon & Garfunkel, Steely Dan, Aerosmith, and The Police. For this upcoming concert, Elvis Costello & The Imposters and The Police, I listened to six different Elvis Costello albums to familiarize myself with his brilliant work, and I got really excited, even more so than for The Police, as I've seen them before and know what to expect.
Then we got the John Mayer tickets.
I'm not gonna lie. He's my all-time ultimate hero. He's one of the most influential musicians I've ever heard. Don't believe me? Listen to "Room For Squares." He's also one of the greatest guitarists I've ever heard. Listen to "Try! John Mayer Trio Live in Concert." I basically love him and everything about him. I got his new live album "Where The Light Is" and that got me re-hooked. I am currently on a John Mayer binge, which is a bit of a problem. The Elvis Costello/Police concert is in two days, and John Mayer's not for another week and a half. I psyched myself for EC/The Police too early (February) and, with the help of John Mayer, kind of un-psyched myself. Don't get me wrong, I think Elvis Costello's a brilliant songwriter and Sting's a great singer, but I'm more looking forward to John Mayer.
Perhaps it's because I'm going to the JM concert with Chris and Emily and Gina, whereas I'm going to the Police with my family, or perhaps it's because we have lawn seats for the Police and real seats for JM, or just for no reason at all, but I'm super-duper-incredibly-bad-writing-made-up-words excited for John Mayer. I <3 style="font-style: italic;">Scrubs
But seriously folks.

-Jason

Good Love Is On The Way